Being vulnerable… allowing myself to feel… anything dealing with emotions is not my strong suit.
The past week had left me feeling defeated. I wondered if I was good enough. If I could get myself out of my current circumstances. I wondered if God had forgotten about me.
I’ve applied for jobs and so far I’ve received a “Thank you, but we are looking at other candidates…” which translates to no job for Kiwi.
Okay! Now that we got that out of the way. Let’s get to the good stuff, but keep in mind that I don’t have a job.
- No gas for my car. My niece needs a ride to Sandy Utah and she provides gas money.
– Lorriane needs a place to leave her car and a ride back to Provo. She leaves me with gas money and a little extra for food.
- I had the opportunity to work on a film project. It’s a new video for “His Grace” series.
My life is kind of like a highway and everyone I meet is a “mile marker” and every struggle is an “exit”. The past week allowed me to meet some amazing people who helped me realize that my future and my potential is not tied to my current circumstances.
Recently I’ve prayed to be more in tune with my emotions, and I am in awe of how much Heavenly Father knows each and every one of us. He loves us unconditionally. It’s not a love that has to be earned. It’s not something we can walk away from. It’s simply there!
I’ve felt His love when C2 sent a random text. I felt it when MC stopped by to see me. She gave me a hug. It’s been a while since I’ve felt loved and her hug meant more than she will know.
I worry all the time that I made the wrong decision. I’m scared that if I take another leap, I will miss my destination and fall flat on my face with no one there to pick me up. Mina reminded me that this isn’t the first time and it definitely won’t be the last, but I’ve always picked myself back up. Heavenly Father is always there.
This past month has been challenging, I’ve deemed it a beautiful storm. Throughout these trials, I’ve been able His hand in my life by putting people on my path to encourage and guide me. Prayers have been answered in the most beautiful ways.
I know that we are where we need to be. Heavenly Father had a plan for each of us. Following the spirit is what got me this far, but my faith is what kept me here. Being here definitely hasn’t been easy, but it’s worth it. I’ve been able to see the Lord’s hand in my life in both little and big ways. I’m learning to trust Him, and trusting Him means to have hope.
I know that these trials are for our benefit. Heavenly Father wouldn’t let us struggle if He didn’t have something better waiting for us on the other side. We have to be patient with ourselves. It’s the hardest test, but we have an amazing example in our Savior. No matter what trial we are facing, we will get through this. We’ve overcome a lot and one day we will look back and say “I’m stronger because of that”. Have faith in yourself and our Heavenly Father!
Until next time…