A beautiful storm



Being vulnerable… allowing myself to feel… anything dealing with emotions is not my strong suit.
The past week had left me feeling defeated. I wondered if I was good enough. If I could get myself out of my current circumstances. I wondered if God had forgotten about me.

I’ve applied for jobs and so far I’ve received a “Thank you, but we are looking at other candidates…” which translates to no job for Kiwi.

Okay! Now that we got that out of the way. Let’s get to the good stuff, but keep in mind that I don’t have a job.

  1. No gas for my car. My niece needs a ride to Sandy Utah and she provides gas money.
    – Lorriane needs a place to leave her car and a ride back to Provo. She leaves me with gas money and a little extra for food.
  2. I had the opportunity to work on a film project. It’s a new video for “His Grace” series.

My life is kind of like a highway and everyone I meet is a “mile marker” and every struggle is an “exit”. The past week allowed me to meet some amazing people who helped me realize that my future and my potential is not tied to my current circumstances.
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Learning to love again…

“The past is like using your rearview mirror in the car, it’s good to glance at to see how far you’ve come, but if you stare too long you’ll miss what’s in front of you.”

The first time I shared my story it was liberating. The next time I shared it I felt like I had been hit by a bus. I wanted to rewind the last few hours and keep that little girl hidden. The adult I’ve become is constantly at war with the little girl I keep inside. I feel the need to protect her, and in order to do that, I need to be guarded. I need to build walls, to make sure no one can get in..to make sure no one can hurt us.. can hurt me.

Recently, I’ve learned that it’s okay to let that little girl out. To love her means taking down the walls. The same walls I built for protection are now keeping me from seeing my full potential. Those walls are keeping me from love. From loving myself and letting others love me. Read More »